2007-01-22 - 10:44 p.m.
"G'day My Ass..."
Okay�I�m telling you right now�if I have to watch one more minute of Bindi Irwin on TV�I�m gonna go MENTAL.Recently, Bindi and her mom, the equally odious Terri Irwin (weepy widow of the late wildlife wacko Steve Irwin)�were making the rounds of the talk shows to hype something called G�day USA�a touring promotion of all things Australian.
Let me start by saying that Steve Irwin�s horrendous, gruesome death I wouldn�t wish on my worst enemy�but it was the entirety of the rest of his life exploiting and antagonizing frightened wild animals for his dumb REALITY TV show Crocodile Hunter that I have a problem with. And now his talentless spawn is breaking into wildlife conservation (�jumping crocs�) and showbiz (gimme a break!).
First, let�s face it�there�s no getting around it�the kid is UGLY.
Check it out�she has no eyelids�just like a reptile. Maybe Steve actually WAS part croc (he was definitely a crock). And Bindi has that same weird gap-tooth/Alfred E. Newman/"What, me worry?" smile as her dad. She�s disturbingly peppy and upbeat for a kid whose dad just had his heart gouged out by a stingray. And her talk-show answers are completely rehearsed and robotic�courtesy of her greedy spotlight-seeking mom and her oily manager John Stainton who also managed Steve Irwin and obviously has no intention of letting the gravy train dry up.On Larry King Live, Larry asked Bindi if she was afraid of snakes or crocodiles.
�Oh, no, Larry�snakes and crocs are the most beautiful, lovable creatures on God�s earth.�
Beautiful?? LOVABLE?? Who�s spiking the kid�s Jamba Juice??
Then Larry asked her if she went to school and had friends, to which she replied...
�I�m home-schooled, and my teacher is my best friend, Larry.�
OF COURSE SHE�S HOME-SCHOOLED!! If she went to a real school, the other kids would bonk her on the head every day with giant rocks. I know I would.
And here�s what I NEVER understood about the stupid Crocodile Hunter TV show and about Steve Irwin�s preaching about endangered species. How does wrestling and tying up a croc help promote wildlife conservation? How does wrapping a sedated 18-foot python around your neck encourage respect for nature and its creatures? All of Steve Irwin�s manufactured confrontations with animals in the wild were absurd, dangerous�pure BULLSHIT. He was a laughable clich� of an Aussie. Crikey, Mate!!...if you want to help endangered species�stop buying crocodile handbags and snakeskin pumps.
Okay�so now Bindi (whose full name is Bindi Sue�named after Steve Irwin�s favorite croc Bindi�and his dog Sue...I'm not making this up!) is touring the world�singing (OUCH!) and dancing (OY!) with the Wiggles, Australia�s popular children�s band. She�s doing a 26-episode documentary for the Discovery Channel entitled Bindi the Jungle Girl, and she says she wants to be a �wildlife warrior� like her dad.
The 8-year-old manic meiskeit finally told Larry King, �Sometimes I feel that I AM my daddy.�
Psychiatrists�start your engines�!!
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