2007-01-01 - 3:18 p.m.
"GOING DUTCH..."
Just to illustrate that some things NEVER change no matter what year it is�I�ve become obsessed with a man who can never be mine.Mind you�until three weeks ago I had never even heard of him. His name is Andre Rieu�and, if you�re like me, you�re saying �WHO?� Turns out he�s this wildly popular Dutch violinist, conductor and international music sensation sometimes known as �the modern day king of the waltz.� He�s sold millions of albums and has the most HILARIOUS website ever. Click here to check it out. It's too funny!! As "unknown artists" go�he�s right up there with Yanni and Zamfir (�king of the pan flute�).
SO�a few weeks back...exhausted from last-minute work, last-minute shopping and the general malaise, disgust and depression of the holiday season (Cheers everyone!!)�I sat down to an evening of "channel-surfing." Monk?�nah. CLICK! Desperate Housewives repeats?�nope. CLICK! Reality shows?�OH NO. Football?�HELL NO..!!
Then I chanced upon the WLIW special: Andre Rieu: The Homecoming � Songs From My Heart. What the�?? Who the hell is this?? �some long-haired stiff in white-tie and tails (and a serious �Dracula-style� collar brooch)�conducting The Laughing Song/Die Fledermaus before a humongous audience in Vrijthof Square in Maastricht, The Netherlands�CLICK!!.
But, weirdly, I kept going back to this �live� concert�which was a cross between an old Lawrence Welk show and a Mitch Miller sing-along.Andre (the maestro�hah!!) was very tall and quite handsome in a predictable way. Like, what man DOESN�T look handsome in white tie and tails? Anyway the audience was going completely NUTS...waltzing in the streets, eating herring and drinking champagne at outdoor tables�and singing along to the Maastricht (pronounced "mis-STREEK")National Anthem and other heart-tugging Dutch favorites.
I guess it was the season or whatever�but this whole scene was really starting to get to me. Suddently, I wished I was there with all these happy people�singing and swaying, dancing and celebrating�and giving �standing O�s� to �my new love��Andre Rieu. Why can�t I be in Maastricht right now? Why can�t I be there�listening to my darling Andre conducting the Nightingale of Limburg or Strauss� Tritsch-Tratsch Polka, Opus 214..?? Why can�t I be singing Funiculi, Funicula out loud�and not feeling the least bit embarrassed?
Mind you, this guy IS a giant CHEESE-BALL, but his powerful presence and the swell of excitement and pure LOVE from the crowd was mesmerizing. There were lots of special guests�all Maastricht-born "celebrities"�who warbled charming Dutch diddies such as Maastricht, City of Jolly Singers�or Broadway showstoppers like �Memory� from Cats, which was sung in English (with a strong Dutch flavor) by a big-eyed blonde Maastricht-ian songstress. There were a couple of songs by a "Brazilian firecracker"�whom I fantasized was actually the married Andre�s mistress (that little tramp), though you certainly couldn�t tell from his body language (none) or his neutral expression (scary smile) which never altered throughout the entire two-hour concert. Andre is famous for saying, �It�s my dream to make the whole of classical music accessible for everyone.��sort of like the way I always say, �I want to make the whole of public relations accessible for everyone.� (Potential new clients take note!)
WHATEVER�before you get scared and think I�ve been sucked into some bizarre Andre Rieu cult/coven�I�ll just tell you that I haven�t bought any of his dozens and dozens (and DOZENS!) of albums or downloaded Andre Rieu �wallpaper� or �e-cards� from his website�but I did have two XXX-rated dreams about him. Go figure.
Of course, Andre ONLY flies KLM (Royal Dutch Arlines)!
But now I'm done with him...until next Christmas when he�ll probably have another PBS special as "schmaltzy" as a herring!Okay�am I the only person on the planet who still refers to the entire Netherlands as�HOLLAND?? Just askin�
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! �or, as the Dutch would say, "Gelukkig Nieuw Jaar."
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